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I don’t know the answer to grief
Is your life today what you pictured a year ago? Some people think that I have an amazing life. I knew until recently how to play the act of appearing as normal and in control. Only a few very perceptive people asked me pertinent questions, such as “Are you sure you are all right?” And Continue reading
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One day
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech? I played at school theatre a lot and gave speeches and everything, but it’s hard to remain confident when you have to prove everyday that you are worth it. I used to dream to become an actress and this was my first choice for a Continue reading
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No Turkey for Christmas
Do you or your family make any special dishes for the holidays? Me and my son, we don’t have any family left where we live. When we moved to the Netherlands (for my job) six years ago, my Dutch stepfather (husband of my mother) followed us, to help me with my son, but he died Continue reading
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История с китайским чаем
Поехала у меня крыша после китайского чая. История с китайским чаем просто выпустил мои проблемы наружу, а так причины всех психозов надо, конечно же искать в детстве. На чай я вышла через китайский медицинский центр в Амстердаме. Сидела, помню на работе своей, банки анализировала, и думаю: «пора бы вылечить гастрит.» Гастрит меня к тому времени Continue reading
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Moscow: 1994
Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live? If I had to relive a year of my life, I would relive 1994. I was in Moscow in 1994, when Russia (but also Ukraine) was undergoing life crisis. After years of hunger shops restarted to sell some eatable products, such as bread, Continue reading
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Faith twist
What’s something you believe everyone should know. I think everyone should know that living one’s life in faith doesn’t mean that one should abandon all fun things and become a super religious monk. Life is given to us by God to live it fully and to enjoy it. A life based in faith doesn’t ask Continue reading
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A life of wonder denied for many
Are you seeking security or adventure? Are you seeking security or adventure? For some reason our society has become a bit divisive, it’s either one or another, without allowing anything in between. Western leaders say we shouldn’t judge by culture or disability, but look around: people get silenced online for speaking out, or labeled ‘crazy’ Continue reading
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Robbie Williams and me
I never expected a psychiatric hospital’s living room to introduce me to Robbie Williams, but his music became a lifeline through my mental health chaos, thanks to my admission into a psychiatric hospital in Amsterdam when I experienced what is usually known as ‘psychosis’. I remember my first encounter with Robbie Williams as if it Continue reading
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How Art Helps Me Navigate Bipolar: A Personal Reflection
What is your relationship with ‘madness’? Do you agree with the strictly bio-medical approach to madness, or believe that there might be something else to it? I have been struggling with identifying myself as bipolar, and instead, focused on art as a tool to help me to cope with overwhelming stigma. I write in my Continue reading
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Loving myself is giving me power
I am here to reclaim my personal power. You see, I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I am originally from Russia. I am a single mother. I am being silenced every single day. But I have dreams. I want to become a published writer. I wrote three books. I want to raise a good man, Continue reading
About Me
I am a doctor of philosophy, a university lecturer, and a lover of cats, fine wine, dancing, theatre, and human eccentricity. I was born in the Soviet Union (Moscow). I am fluent in four languages, and have spent all my adult life studying (except from 18 to 19) working and living throughout Western Europe. Despite a surname-Netchitailova- that translates from Russian into English as “unreadable”, my great passions in life are reading and writing. My personal struggles have made me appreciate the manifestations of weirdness that exist everywhere.